As the Clock Strikes 4 on Tuesday Afternoons

I was sitting at my desk waiting for patients to come in...I never realized that time passes by so quickly...Some patients are grouchy enough to ruin your day and others are just too sweet to suddenly brighten everything up...and at exactly 4 pm there they were again...Holding each other's hands as they wave at me to say goodbye...

They look so lovely...A man in his 80's and a lovely woman in her 70's never failed to flash me a smile and say goodbye every tuesday afternoons...How did they make it through all these years I always wondered...I tried observing them once and I just couldn't help but grin seeing the glow in each other's eyes whenever Mr. Right would come and get his Mrs. Right...They were perfect for each other. He waits for her patiently at the corridor....and with a gleeful smile she'd rush into his arms...and hand in hand they'd pass me by gracefully...

What makes a relationship lasts this long I wondered? Last week my supervisor asked me to check on some paper works and suddenly looked at me with her eyebrow's almost clashing together..."do you happen to know a Maribeth Ancheta? That's not you right?" I blushed and said, " That is me...that is actually my maiden name..." I laughed and said, " Oh sometimes I still forget my new last name..."...with a grin she asked me, " how long have you been married?"...to make up for my previously embarrassing mistake I said, " 5 years"...she asked again, " so when did you get married?" I proudly answered, " December of 2005"...she laughed again and said..." oh so you've been married for almost 4 years then..." we laughed hard...and then there was this eerie silence...after a few minutes of laughing out loud she looked at me and said, " well I've been married for 20 years and then I gave up"...I didn't know how to answer her back and so I just looked at her intently with questioning eyes and offered her some chips instead...

How do you make a relationship lasts? Kenny Rogers would sing his THROUGH THE YEARS and maybe give you a wink or two and say, "that is how a relationship lasts..."John and Marsha made us love them for showing us that they were able to make it through with the bumpy world of marriage...But in reality how do we make it through...

I would definitely say that it would be insanely hard to make it through...I guess a little magical ingredients will do the trick...10 cups of patience...a teaspoon of hugs and kisses...a bucket filled with love and understanding...a pint of good communication...1 tablespoon of shared interest...a basin full of prayer...a drop of happy tears...an ounce of affection...and of course a pinch of sweet old memories that makes us smile...

I really don't know the exact answer but I do have a lifetime to find out how...

I'm in my senti mode again with all of these flight of ideas...I just want it to lasts forever...Is it possible?...Maybe...Maybe not...I too would want to sit on a rocking chair someday...side by side with the person who would let me remember how sweet love was...love is...and love that will always be...I too would want to look into his glistening eyes as we talk about our good old memories together...I too would want to walk by the beach holding hands with the person who'd always promised me that though the world will come to an end he'll still be there to love me no matter what...

...and at exactly 4 pm every tuesday afternoons I'd wave back and say, "have a nice day!", to Mr. Right and Mrs. Right and with the glow in their eyes they'd just wave at me and say, " you too dear..." sigh!?! WHAT A PERFECT SIGHT...It's love alright...

The Sad Circus

I hate to see her this way...She sighs whenever she passes by her 3 year old town house...I wanted to say that everything's going to be alright but I know that I would just be lying...I'd love to hug her really tight and say that it is over and that she'll be able to go up and down that 12 steps leading to her bedroom and down to her kitchen but I just can't...

She laughs really hard now-a-days...but I know that deep down within she isn't alright.

It's a different world out here...Others are losing their homes...others are fighting hard to win their castles over...Some are forced to leave their homes leaving everything behind to the lenders who refuse to negotiate...Some are submitting themselves into this so-called "bankruptcy".

It's a battle against the lenders and the home owners.
There are a lot of programs that are made yet tons of people everyday are losing their homes.

...She knows either way that it is a losing end yet she still struggles. She's making herself believe that somehow she will be victorious...She refuse to face the strange truth that between these lenders and homeowners somehow--nobody is about to win...

It's just a sad...sad...sad...circus to be in...

One Saturday Morning...

It had been a very busy week. It was Friday and everything was just in the way…We had an argument the night before and in the early morning he simply sent me a message stating that “life is darn so hard”…I did not have a good night sleep…He too kept on turning and tossing all night long…but when I got his message I called him and tried hard to comfort my betterhalf…

…and I think I somehow heard him smile…sigh!!! Few hours later I sent him a text message, ” hi there! why don’t we go out of this busy town this weekend…let’s escape reality even for just a few hours”…he texted back, “I like that”…and later that afternoon it seemed as though the night before never existed…he kissed me…and I kissed him back…I embraced him…and he squeezed me so tight that it seemed as though we never had those “oh so tight hugs” for such a very long time…and then we smiled…shared some breath taking old memories…and then we laugh hard…so hard that after some time we were breathless…and then we gazed into each others eyes and suddenly we were in tears…tomorrow will be a very exciting day…

Come Saturday morning, we were excited somehow but it was a lazy lazy lazy Sabado morning! But we promised that we’ll escape reality for awhile…and so we hopped into our baby “KIWI” and suddenly we uttered the words, “we’re going to Monterey”…While we were on our way we turned on the radio and listened to various kinds of music then we found ourselves singing along with “The Fray” (You found me…you found meh….)…and then we listened intently with “Carrie Underwood’s” Jesus take the wheel and we agreed that we both love the song…etc.etc.etc. and we came to realize that yes!?! we do have something in common…

We went to see the beach…It was magnificent…We were silent for awhile…He was busy with his own thoughts and I was so busy with mine as well. And then we sat there staring at the glorious sight…It was heavenly…It was undeniably beautiful. And then we both managed to take deep breaths…and finally we uttered the words…It’s a very beautiful day…and after a few more hours we finally said “tara uwi na tayo”…

This had been one of the very few days that I would like to last forever…It’s just one of the very rare moments that I would like to remember for the rest of my life…We had a lot of pictures taken…but I would like to remember the story behind those meaningful smiles…
Yes indeed…LIFE IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!

Lights on...Lights off...

It was one of those fine days in January when I turned on the lights to our first home in Olney, Illinois. The clouds are pretty low that day…The sun wasn’t shining…The sky was weeping…and right there and then I felt the emptiness of my new world…

I was embraced by the cold breezy air…The trees stood there right outside our window with barely any leaves in it…The birds weren’t singing instead they’re migrating one by one…
I felt shivers down my spine…and right then I must admit that I was suffering from the so called “seasonal depression”…I miss my family…I miss my old friends…I miss my job…I miss my old life…

I must say that our lights are brightly turned on but despite it all I must say that I couldn’t feel the warmth that it offers…

Every single day I looked outside my window…and everyday I was hoping that I could have my life back…I was afraid of letting go…My past life had been the best that I’ve had…unfortunately I have to admit that I was too afraid to let it go…

I’ve been so exhausted of feeling so sorry for my self…not until I met Minnie…My life had been different eversince…

Having been with her, I must say had been the best days of my life…In her I was able to find someone who can relate to me…I was able to be simply “ME”…no hesitations…no masks…no cover ups…but I was just simply ME…

We were able to talk about anything under the sun…We we’re able to go to places where we really want to be…We were simply girls having fun exchanging ideas about our very own simple but complicated lives…We had our hair done together…We had our window shopping moments …our Ophelia’s cup days…and our Olney–Flora–Terra Haute–Vincennes and Evansville tours…hehehe

I’ll miss those days…I’ll miss Olney and our wonderful friends…

Our last 2 weeks in Olney had been the best 14 days of my life here in the US…It made me realize how lucky I am to find true wonderful friends…I’ll miss the good and simple life…I’ll miss having wonderful friends around…I’ll miss my lovely Annara and sweet Jotham….
…For the last time, on August 2, 2008, we had to turn off the lights to a place where we called “home” for the past 19 months…

Our apartment at 1205 Chelsea Lane, Apt.#2, Olney, Illinois 62450 is empty again…The lights are turned off…the whole apartment seems to be very dark…the ticking clock is no longer audible to my ears…The birds will always be singing their songs, but sadly I won’t be able to hear them anymore…The tree will always be standing outside that little window…It will always be full of life…It will have those invigorating swinging leaves…and soon enough another sad and lifeless girl will peak outside her window…She’ll strum her guitar and write some songs…or better yet she’ll write lovely short stories of her own…and when the clock strikes 9 pm, when the skies are dark …she’ll turn her lights on for the very first time…and then I’m sure that she’ll start a new chapter of her life…

…and in the morning at the first rays of the sun, she’ll turn her lights off and she’ll start a new and long day…and later on she’ll meet her news friends that will make her story worth reading…

and so for now I’m signing off…but be back with a new story...

The Catch

Wednesday July 16th 2008, 12:09 pm

I bought this sex and the city book last month and I had fun going over the pages. Aside from the fearless “punch lines” I get to see Samantha, Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte in their fashionable clothes…shoes…bags…hair style…and the “girly stuff”.

I’ve always been a big fan of this tv series. I fell in love with the characters, the story and best of all the lessons it tries to impart about relationships.

I can relate to almost all of the episodes. Whenever I watch it I sometimes feel like Charlotte who always believes in “happily ever after”. There are times wherein I can relate to Carrie who always expects things to be bigger than mr. big. I’d like to say that there’s a part of me who’s like Miranda, who always pretends to be stronger than she is…and I really wish I can be just like Samantha who can be this extraordinary girl who loves herself more than anybody else.

Well anyway… guess what? I’m writing because I suddenly feel like Carrie who had so many questions about relationships…I and some friends of mine had been talking about “the catch” the other day and I remembered sex and the city’s main character Carrie and one of her quotes…and it got me thinking…” when did it stop being fun and start being scary?”

We’ve been debating on this topic over and over…My male friend said, ” it won’t start being scary as long as you’re both mature enough”…I and my other friend had something else in mind…” it starts getting scary when you know that you don’t have any safety nets that will catch you during your bad fall.” I guess doing things together is the main ingredient of a successful relationship. Doing things together makes the relationship work…Trying to be strong for the weaker person makes the relationship in a better position to withstand all other “bad falls”…Knowing that somebody’s there to “catch” you is enough to feel secured in a relationship. The “i got your back and you got mine” thing would mean ” happily ever after” to me…Well basically I believe when your partner forgets about the “safety net” and tries to let go, that’s just the point wherein it stops being fun and starts being scary”.

Oh well…it’s just one of those hot summer days… :-p

P.S. I LOVE YOU

Sunday June 01st 2008, 4:02 pm

Honestly I shouldn’t be blogging right now but due to my emotions I had to drop by and express my thoughts…

I and my sister have been bickering all day, when we got tired we just stared at each other and laugh really hard. We have just realized how childish we really are. I saw a smile on dad’s face ( I really don’t know why he was smiling but I guess he too finds it very childish of us to be pulling each other’s hair and running along the hallway– and to think that I’m nearly 28 and my sister is turning 25 on the 26th).

Well anyway we settled down for awhile and there it was my sister’s pc just magically switched on with this amazing movie–P.S. I LOVE YOU…we were simply elevating our legs on the headboard and we started to exchange sighs and tissue papers…We cried really hard…She look at me and asked, ” When will I find my Jerry?”…”Will I ever find him?”…Realizing that she got carried away I wanted to give her the exact words that I always give my friends but I can’t…I wanted to say that, ” don’t worry you’ll be fine…soon he’ll be there you’ll see” but I simply can’t…instead to stop her from all those tears I simply hugged her and said…”You already have your Jerry…”

Finding Jerry isn’t easy but when you do, don’t ever let him go…It’s nice to wake up each morning finding that special someone by your side…You can have some heated arguments–you’ll hate him for telling the truth but in the end you’ll love him for his honesty… Never expect him to say you’re gorgeous each day, you may love to hear the compliment but it’s better when he’d say, ” I really don’t like you wearing pink, but you know what I see you very sexy in your black mini dress!”…Don’t expect each day to be filled with hugs and sweet kisses…you’ll love his warm body touching yours but sometimes you’ll appreciate it more if he’ll give you enough space under the sheets for you to get enough sleep…You’ll laugh at his funny jokes but expect that there will be times that you’ll cry due to his uninvited criticisms…Sometimes you’ll hate him for not understanding you but in the end you’ll love his apologetic smile as he teases you…

I miss my “jerry” –MY SWEET AND LOVING MARLON IN REAL LIFE…I wish I could make him feel how special he is even when I’m a few hours away…I wish I could be his “jerry” where in I can make him feel that he is the most wonderful thing that ever happened in my life…I miss my hubby…my baba…my booooo….

Honey if you’re reading this I’m just dropping by to say, I hope you’re fine and I wish I’m there to watch you early in the morning…to fix your breakfast…to prepare your clothes…to smoothly massage you with that sweet smelling body lotion…give you a quick hug and a sweet little smooch…and finally to say, ” NY MALADAW KAN! 8:30 MANEN“….hehehe…and of course to simply say, ” always remember ny…. P.S. I LOVE YOU…”

Thinking Out Loud (T.O.L.)

Tuesday April 29th 2008, 12:44 pm

I woke up this morning and I gazed at you for a long time…I love watching you with your eyes half close, your lips slightly open, your arms tightly wrap around me…then suddenly my tears begun to fall…I had no intention of waking you up…I just wanted to cherish that special moment of just lying still beside you where I can hold your perfect hands…where I can smell your first breath…where I can feel the warmth of your body…where I can be as simple as me…
How I wish that life could be as simple as this…But there is more to life than lying still and cherishing that “special moment”…We have dreams as big as anyone can ever imagine and I just want to make all those dreams come true…We just need to sacrifice a little…

Believe me it won’t be easy…I’ll have my shares of longer days, lonesome afternoons and “silent nights”…but when this is over everything will be in its proper order…
We’ll have our very own house with 4 bedrooms and a garage, you’ll have your X5(hehehe–did I get it right this time?), I’ll have my own nursing home, we’ll have two lovely angels–(a cute little boy who’ll have your perfect eyes and nose, a pretty little girl who’ll have my thick hair and my wondering eyes) , we’ll have our very own apso lhasa with her own dog house in the garage, I’ll have my very own mini copper, we’ll see your mom and dad every 6 mos., we’ll have a family business with my dad, mom and sissy, we’ll have enough time to visit our sisters and brothers, our kids will have plenty of time to play with their cousins, and with peanut and annara too…

I just can’t wait for this thing to be over!?!
After this…I’ll be lying next to you…watching you as you drift into our dream world…I’ll be caressing your forhead…you’ll feel the warmth of my body next to yours…I’ll wrap you tightly in my arms…I’ll be waiting for you to open your perfect little eyes…and when you’re fully awake I’ll kiss you endlessly…and this time…I’ll always be beside you no matter what...

It's a New Year...It's a New Day...

Sunday January 06th 2008, 8:02 pm

Where was I a year ago? I think I was sitting on the same side of this bed trying to scribble a lot of unforgetable events on my diary.

A year ago I wasn’t jumping for joy when everybody was holding their breath while waiting for the New Year countdown, instead I was trying to show a happy face. Secretly I was hoping that nobody would notice that I was emotionally disturbed.
I’ve had a sudden transition in my life and it’ws hard for me to comprehend on it. No words can perfectly described how I felt at that moment. I was holding back and I was afraid of letting go….

But this year I’m moving on…This time there’s no more turning back…This time I’m willing to accept my destiny…and this time I’m willing to let go….

Gone are the ol’e days where I have to simply look outside the window and ponder hard about some significant circumstances…It’s time to go out and be a part of that wonderful scenery….
Life isn’t all about crying your heart out and wishing that things could have been different….There’s no use in dwelling in the past because what has been done has been done–P-E-R-I-O-D….But we can always do something about the present…and we still have a lot of time ahead of us….Let’s learn from the past instead….

Happy are those who can stand after a bad fall…Happy are those who are last but were always able to finish the race…

Life isn’t all about the destination it’s always all about the journey….
Life is beautiful….Let’s enjoy it while we still can…Minsan lang tayo mabubuhay…Let’s make the most out of it….
Happy New Year!!!
ciao!

ONE LAST SMILE...ONE LAST GLANCE...ONE LAST SWEET GOODBYE...

Thursday December 27th 2007, 5:38 pm

Another year is about to end…one last smile…one last glance…one last sweet goodbye….
As I watched everybody rushing for the after christmas sale suddenly I was caught staring at the four cornered clearance rack…I can’t help but smile…It must be odd for passers by to see me in this manner but I didn’t care…I’ve been staring at the same rack when I first came to Olney with my friend Minnie…She was teaching me where to find affordable yet adorable stuff for our new apartment…It was fun hanging out with her…For the very first time I enjoyed going out with a friend…She was the kind of person that I enjoyed talking over the phone for hours when my depression was at its peak…A call from her and I’d stop crying…A cheerful , ” let’s go out and drink coffee at Ophelia’s cup, ” had always been music to my ears….hahaha…I must admit in a place like this I agree 100% that no man is an island….hehehe…I miss those girly outings…I miss those funny talks that we used to have…I miss those mellow and heart to heart talks….Now she has 2 kids…our calls became less frequent…our hang-outs became from every week days to every once in a “blue moon”…

I guess that’s what you call growing up…Now I’m beginning to realize that we’re no longer girls but we’re both grown-ups…Now I understand that to grow wiser you have to widen your horizon…

2007 had been a very fascinating year for me…I’ve been through a lot of ups and downs…I’ve met a lot of new friends…I’ve learned not to let go of my old but I’ve learned to love them more and keep them in ” my safe place”…I’ve learned to face my greatest downfalls…I’ve learned to let my guards down…I’ve learned to share some of my tears…I’ve generously imparted a lot of laughters…I’ve given away a lot of smiles…I’ve had my shares of hugS...

I’ve had zillions of things to smile about when talking about 2007…. I have a thousand of stories to share when trying to reminisce about this blessed year….and I must say some of these beautiful memories will make me shed some tear…some will make me bursts out of laughter….some will make me sad for awhile…and some will simply make me smile like I never did before… Goodbye 2007…thank you for the wonderful memories… As I gently close the door…I just know that this coming year will bring another chapter to my life…I may have smiled, laughed and cried for the previous years but I’m sure that I’d still have a lot of reasons to smile, laugh and cry for the year 2008… Somehow I’m excited to see what the other door has to offer…but till then I’m holding my breath and closing my eyes….and with my wide opened arms when the clock stikes 12 on January first I’d say loud and clear, “WELCOME 2008!!!”

Thinking of Christmas...

Thursday December 20th 2007, 7:49 pm

“I.My idea of a perfect Christmas
Is to spend it with youIn a party
Or dinner for twoAnywhere would do
Celebrating the yuletide season
Always lights up our lives
Simple pleasures are made special too
When they’re shared with you

II:Looking through some old photographsFaces of friends we’ll always rememberWatching busy shoppers rushing aboutIn the cool breeze of DecemberSparkling lights, all over townChildren’s carols in the airBy the Christmas treeA shower of stardust on your hair…”

Sounds familiar? The breezy air of December is here again…We see a lot of people rushing for christmas gifts…Friends are getting together, exchanging not just warm hugs…not just sweet smiles but sentiments of what 2007 had in store for us…

Sigh! I remember how we used to decorate our homes with christmas lights…I remember how excited we were to put up our christmas trees…Our town plaza must be full of christmas lights right now…Girls and boys are surely hanging around together…sharing kikiam and isaw infront of that Big…Big…Big christmas tree…Moms and Dads are holding each others hands while watching their kids bantering around…Hmmmm…I can smell the sweet and salty popcorn everywhere…

The month of December brings a lot of happy old memories…I remember hanging around wih friends at 4 am from December 16 to December 24th…Life was simple but it surely is happy…
When we were kids we usually wish of growing old ASAP…but now that I’m getting old sometimes I wished I stayed young…Christmas used to be exciting…New Years used to be one of the best days of my life…Now I don’t feel like wearing my red christmas outfit anymore…I don’t feel like decorating our love nest…I don’t feel like singing those joyful christmas carols…I don’t even feel like wearing my red lipstick for the time being…

BUt I’m just lucky to spend this christmas eve with the man who vowed to spend the rest of his life with me…that’s the only thing that matters right now…I guess I better stop being too emotional….I might not have another christmas if I’d waste this special day by just simply going back to my memory lane….nah….it’s worth looking back…but I should be moving on…and start living a blessed and happy life…

Yeah right!!!I just know that this christmas will be different….It will be more than that big bang from the town Plaza…it will be more colorful than the christmas lights of that big…big…big…christmas tree…The cheers will be louder….and the hugs will be warmer…and this christmas will be more unforgettable than the others that I’ve ever had…

Enjoy your Christmas!!!Merry Christmas Everybody!!!Enjoy this once in a year event…God bless you and your family….
Ho!ho!ho!

Feeling senti lang…winter na kc…

Tuesday November 27th 2007, 9:34 pm

Sa isang sulok ako’y nagmamasid…tila may pangamba sa paligid…may nagbabadyang babala…subalit bakit ganun…hindi ko maintindihan ang nais nitong ipahiwatig….parang nabubulag ang aking mga mata… nabibingi ang aking mga tenga…hindi makatakbo ang aking maliliit na mga paa…at hindi makasigaw ang aking bunganga ng saklolo…

Kailan titila ang pagbuhos ng ulan…kelan tatahimik ang kapaligiran…kelan ko malalaman na ang lahat ay maayos na…kailan ko masasabing wala ng bagyo…kailan ko masasambit ang mga katagang…”TAPOS NA…”

Marahil sa katapusan ng taong ito malalaman ko rin ang kasagutan sa aking mga katanungan…mababawasan ang lumbay…unti-unting mawawala ang mga namumuong pag-iimbot at pang-agam-agam…matatapos din ang paghihinagpis…mawawala ang tandang patanong sa bawat salita na sasambitin…sa halip lahat ay unti-unting magtatapos sa tandang-padamdam…

At lahat ay magkakaroon ng pagbabago…magkakaroon ng bagong saysay ang aking bagong mundo…

Mawawala na ang lumbay… at ang bagong buhay ay magkakaroon ng bagong saysay…

cheers everyone…Happy HOLIDAYS…

nagpapakasenti kc malapit na naman ang pasko ... hehehehe

It's Just A BAd DAy!

The lonely cold shivering breeze is here again to envelop my entire body with depression….
The lonesome night is creeping in my bed…The sun isn’t there to save me from the loneliness…I feel like my world is so limited that my life isn’t as colorfull as it used to be…I’m trying to hum a song…But it’s just so sad that even my gleeful humming isn’t a brilliant idea to save me from what I am about to experience…

I’m showing off my blissful persona to everybody…I’m trying to paint a pretty picture that people around me can appreciate…I’m trying to create a scenario where sadness is not very well defined…I’m trying to play a special song where we can all laugh and dance cheerfully…
But despite all the pretentions that life isn’t a sad story…I know somebody sees the real me…I’m just glad that after this emotional outburst I just know that I’ll be fine….

Maybe after these lonesome nights the sun will shine its glorious beauty again….All of these meaningless sadness will disperse into thin air…and for sure all that will be left is a happy glow…and after that I’ll be able give everybody a smile that will show-off how marvelous life really is….

It’s just a bad day! sigh!

College Life

Monday October 22nd 2007, 8:08 am

I remember my first day in college…I was wearing my blue polo shirt…with my checkerd black and blue pants…my hair was really short …hahahaa…but I was pretty excited when I sat at the back of our class where everybody was looking at me annoyingly…hahaha…

College had been one of the best part of my life…I’ve met 2 wonderful bestfriends…Kuya Ruel Pascua and Karen Alviar…I’ve made really wonderful “barkada”..Ate Cang, Suzzette, Ethelyn, Vicky, Marlon and Arnel…Though we’ve had these close friends I’d still say I love all my college classmates( yup there’s no excemption)..

In college I’ve been introduced to the beauty of life…I’ve grown to fall in love with the beauty of Sigmund Freud’s theories…I’ve come to admire the passion of Florence Nightingale to care for people who needs physical assistance…I’ve loved how Mr. Ever Garcia Jr. talked about the heart and how we can prevent and protect ourselves from CHF…and I’ve been amazed with him taking about how we should care for our schizophrenic patients…I’ve really enjoyed Ma’am Jubilo’s class whenever she would introduce us to certain topics about the ethical values that we should have when we are dealing with a life and death situation…I’ve loved Mrs. Zambranos but I was so helpless in her class whereby we really had a hard time coping with the numerous pharmacologic drugs…their actions, contraindications, computation of drug dosage…and the like…How will I ever forget Mam Magpali’s drawing of the fallopian tube infront of us while she imparts the uniqueness of the female reproductive system….I can still remember how Mrs. Mayo taught us to be strategic with our health teachings…I bet my classmates will never forget those “saguidi-saguidi popo” days with mam Casem…The affiliation days made us realize how lucky we were to be endowed with a bountiful life…mam Wilma made us captain of our ships during our grandsocialization…Those ICU duties made us feel like responsible nurses monitoring the vital signs of our patients accurately, checking on the I and O’s of our patients’…Our ER duties made us realize how every minute counts…I really enjoyed having Mam Estella as my clinical instructor during those days…I’ve really really loved my nursery duty whereby I’ve experienced how it feels like to bathe, change the diaper of the baby and of course how feeding can be extraordinarily hard specially for the premature ones…I can still recall how Ate Ressy and I would sneak in to taste the milk formula for the babies…hahaha….My OR duties with mam Connie Bautista is the hardest…I have to admit craniotomy is one of the most interesting operations that I’ve seen but it was one of the longest as well…DR duties made me cry…everytime that a mother sees her child for the very first time made me shed some tears….Our ortho duties with sir Ireneo made us feel so helpless for our patients…but somehow it was fulfilling seeing them recover after a few weeks……

Somehow I miss college…The glamour, the spot light…and the true to life experiences nourished each and everyone of us…We owe our Alma Mater a lot…From girls to young ladies….From boys to young men…

What we are now is a gift from our Mentors, classmates and friends….
It’s nice to have these wonderful memories….It’s nice to keep in touch with old pals…Dada I really appreciate your calls…Kuya Ruel and She…thanx for your msgs….Karen I really love reading your emails……………………………………..miss you all!!!

Highschool

Sunday October 21st 2007, 12:16 am

He called me from his new apartment…and his vioce was as it was 14 years ago…the same familiar vioce…the same familiar words (”reiterate”–hahaha)…I felt like being in highschool again…where every afternoon my bestfriend Amor would call me for 2 to four hours a day…we’d talk about anything under sun…he would criticize me and yet I can accept every itsy bitsy ugly part of me…we’d talk about other people’s lives and later we’d realize that it wasn’t really our business to be snooping on somebody else’s life…I did run to him several times to cry on with my emotional downfalls…and it felt good to have him by my side always…

We haven’t really spoken for years but this afternoon he called me…He isn’t the type of friend who calls you up because he needs a shoulder to cry on…He calls because he wants you to know that somehow he did exist…We did talk about a lot of things that interests us both…We laughed a lot….

I have so many bitter and sweet memories in highschool…IN HIGHSCHOOL I had a bunch of things to cry about…but it also gave me zillions of reasons to laugh and enjoy life as it was….I made new friends…and I lost good buddies as well…In highschool I’ve learned a lot from my mentors…my schoolmates…my classmates…my friends…and my lost pals….In highschool I’ve had my first major emotional outbreak…I had my downfalls….yet I had my “this is the moment” experiences…highschool is where I found real friends who sticks with you through thick and thin…and I guess Amor is one of them…

Amor thank you for always being there for me…………and thanx for the call…I missed those crazy yet unforgettable conversations that we used to have…
p.s.
thanx for informing me that I should have my hair cut soon…hehehe…

FrIeNdS

Friday October 12th 2007, 11:02 pm Edit This

It’s 6pm and we have a couple of good friends coming over…There’s just 4 of us hanging around savoring the last days of fall…

The boys had captain morgan infront of them and the girls are just exchanging ideas on the chiky stuff. Then we started singing… It’s nice to sit around and simply allow every single cell of our body to enjoy the tranquil surrounding…Every adipose tissue helps us cope with the cold weather…Our brain cells are not that drained to feel great to have an honest conversation…–about our past experiences…about our lives today and eventually about our future as well…
All those review materials are draining the girls and the boys are physically exhausted for the week so I guess we really needed a break somehow….

Whew…after all those tears and warm thoughts shared we just realized that after 5 years or so while driving our hybrid cars we’ll pass by this old apartment and say, ” somehow I remember one of those cold nights in October when we were just there sitting, singing our lungs out, our eyes were almost shedding those innocent tears, I can still taste the delicious spaghetti, the yummy chicken…and of course how can we ever forget those secrets shared…the precious moments that we witnessed…the lovely conversation…the innocent remembrance of “our past”…and those wonderful friends that we have and we will always cherish…” and upon reaching our destination we will see familiar faces…and we will have another heart warming conversation…the boys will no longer be boys…they’ll be wise men but they’ll still have the same bottle of captain morgan infront of them…the girls will be no longer girls instead they will be knowledgeable women with an additional few letters on their last names…but still they’d have the same chicky conversation…with the same sound of jolly laughter…and the little sweet angels of theirs will be there running along playing around…they’ll have plenty of time laughing at their muddy faces..they’ll have plenty of time exploring their dvd educational tapes..they may pull each other’s hair…or better yet they may have a good baby talk conversation…and the rest of the story is a ” that’s for all of us to find out phrase”…
But then again I’ve realized that a day spent with friends will always be a fruitful memory….

Caiden

Friday September 28th 2007, 8:34 am

I entered the room and there he was with his little expressive eyes. His tiny hands reached out for me as if implying that he wanted more than my gaze…Those eyes have something peculiar in them…I wondered what could possibly go wrong…The challenge was there…Is it possible to make a difference in his life? Are there certain ways in which I can give him more than my longing to solve the impossible?

As the day passed by I held him close to me…He gave me not just shy glances but I’m sure he was smiling and telling me a lot of stories that I really can’t understand…I’ve learned a lot from him though…By the end of the day I’m sure he called me not by my name but with a simple 5 lettered word that brought my eyes into tears he said…”MOMMY!” I looked at his muddy face and wiped off his dirty hands…I knew somehow I imparted something special with this little angel…For the very first time I’ve heard him trying to recite his ABC’s…Slowly he was trying to count 123’s…

As that day ended I can’t help but to ponder on this wonderful experience…It saddens me though, I wouldn’t be there to see him grow…I wouldn’t be there to wipe his tears…I wouldn’t be there to protect him from the terrible truths about life…I wouldn’t be there to explain that sufferings can end…I wouldn’t be there to shield him from harm…I can’t hold him close to me forever…I can’t teach him that life doesn’t always have to be all about hatred and vengeance…
Someday his tiny hands will grow bigger than mine…Someday he’ll cut his blonde hair shorter or maybe he’ll try to grow it longer …Someday his eyes will show more than a puzzle…Someday he’ll tell a lot of people about his feelings…or maybe he’ll just simply hide things and tell tales instead…and SOMEDAY HE’LL FORGET ME…

One thing is for sure I’ll always remember the little blonde haired boy at the back of his class giving me those shy glances with his expressive eyes…He will always be in my prayers..and I’d pray that someday he’ll be free from oppression…and that someday he’ll dream bigger than I do…and that someday he’ll make those stories about the big city and the big bus come true...

Let's Talk...(it helps)

Monday August 27th 2007, 5:45 pm

Moments like this usually makes me sit down infront of the computer that eventually leads me to slowly type my thoughts and feelings as if trying to narrate every significant event in my life in public…

Hmmm….I’m sensing however that you might know the reason for my being in a senti mode…how do I start…well let me see…

Life is really unpredictable. Sometimes you rejoice at every microsecond for having the best time of your life…There are also times when you have to whine and whine about the horrible truths that envelops our existence…At times you need to be scared and vulnerable about the million possibilities of plans A, B, C and etc …I guess we’re just thankful that homosapiens like ourselves are endowed with the ability to adapt to change…

We were created to know how it feels like to enjoy life as it is…Which means that we’re thankful that we can laugh at funny jokes, we know how to raise a brow when somebody breaks a corny punchline…we know how to jump for joy when we hear a good news…we know how it feels like to get hurt physically…and we just know that it’s harder to cope with emotional disturbance than that of the physical pain…

It’s been two weeks…I just miss them…It’s hard to leave your old life behind…It’s hard to be who you are meant to be…Sometimes it’s hard to face the fact the children have to have a life of their own…I often wonder how would I react when my kids have to go out of our lovely home…how would I feel if a guy would ask for her hand and eventually I had to let her go…how would I feel if a good son of my mine would ask me to give him my blessings for him to start a life of his own…

Probably that’s how my parents felt when they had to leave me behind…there was a good reason though…I learned a lot of things…I’ve realized that I wasn’t my dad’s girl anymore…and I am no longer my mom’s stage baby anymore…but I missed my baby sister being by my side as always though…

I believe my new life is a special gift…It’s my turn to experience how it feels like to have a family of my own…

I guess this is the circle of life…Life indeed is quite a story…It has a beginning…but we ourselves don’t exactly know it’s very own ending…

Let’s keep on writting…Life isn’t all about the destination…It’s all about the journey…Let’s talk about our funny rides…our sorrowful defeats…let’s talk about our happy thoughts…our deepest aspirations…Let’s talk about relationships…better yet let’s talk about our families…our friends…Let’s talk about that black dog that made our day…or maybe let’s talk about the nimbus and cumulus clouds that we just appreciated this morning…hmmm…let’s just talk about us…let’s talk about you and me…your joys…my tears…your lonesome nights…my laughters…

Let’s just talk…it helps…

Promise...

Sunday August 26th 2007, 8:34 pm

When I look through those chinky smiling little eyes of hers I knew there was something missing in my life…When I hold her soft little hands I knew there was a part of me that needs to be filled in…When I watch her go to sleep and I try to give her soft strokes on the forehead I felt that I really miss being by her side…

Every little talk made me realize how happy I am to spend some quality time with my sister…Sharing those lazy afternoons just doing those small household chores together made me realize how lucky I am to have a wonderful sister by my side…Those funny jokes that we use to share makes everything complete…it made us laugh…and it made us smile…it made us realize how nice it is to be with each other again…

A week swiftly passed by…well we have our new separate lives now…But it’s so nice that eventhough we don’t see each other that much we know that we are still the best of friends…we share a lot of those secrets…we talk about our very own colorful lives…we talk about anything under the sun…no barriers…no walls…She’s the person who knows me best and yet loves me for who I am…

Sometimes I wish I can bring back time…When I can still be her manang…and she can still be my little baby sister…where I can always be by her side…to protect her…to love her…to care for her and to guide her…

Our house is empty again…No laughter…no stories…it’s just the audible sound of the ticking clock again…sigh! I miss you…

But don’t worry little sis…I made a promise and I intend to keep every word that I said…I love you…and always remember that…

Sweet Endings

Monday July 23rd 2007, 1:23 pm

Sitting by my window, I’m looking at the horizon beneath the clouds…I’m mesmerized by the beautiful scenery outside…

I hear the birds humming their sweet songs. I see the trees swaying their branches as if invigorating me to join them as they gladly dance with the wind. I can see the flowers showing off their beauty and glory…

Why can’t this day last forever? Why would fall turn everything into yellow? Why would it take all the green leaves away? Why would it let all the flowers wither? Why would winter turn everything brown? Why would it envelop the rest of the world with cold weary nights and why would it turn everything to sadness?

Life is like the ever changing season…There’s always a time for everything…There’s a time for sweet victory…There is a time for sad and emotional endings…There’s a time for laughter…and of course there will always be a time for crying your heart out…There’s a time for longing…There’s a time for eventually saying goodbye to the old memories…And there’s a special time to say that you’re moving on…

Well I guess my friendster account has been my life for a long time…I’m not saying goodbye to everybody though…but I guess I won’t be visiting this page that much for a few weeks maybe…Nah! This isn’t goodbye…It’s just prioritizing somethings that would eventually help me to really move on…But for sure whenever I’ll feel so enourmously affected by my environment I’d still be pouring my heart out in this page…After all these months I’m glad to start something new in my life…

Life is such a beauty! Sometimes you need to learn your lesson the hard way…I’m thankful to God for making me realize that there’s more to this life time…Life is such an adventure!!! I’m glad that I had a chance to have a wonderful journey…

At 3 in the Morning

Monday July 23rd 2007, 1:19 pm

It’s almost three in the morning and still I can’t keep my eyes shut…I strongly hear the clock ticking…the deafening silence of the dawn is tearing me apart…

As I sit sadly in front of this computer all I can think of is to pave the way for such emotions to flow freely…I’m doing a lot of reflecting lately that I could hardly laugh at the funny jokes that people around me share…There’s something from within that I can hardly bare…

Maybe I just need a sip of margarita…or maybe I just need some fresh air…maybe I just need some adventure in my life…maybe I just need to do something different…something new…something right…

It’s just sometimes I feel like I am a new person…yup a person that is far different from the person that I used to be…and the saddest part is i really don’t know the real me anymore…and it’s just so sad…

Better...not Bitter...but Better

Monday July 23rd 2007, 12:49 pm

Sometimes when I look at the mirror I can’t help myself from realizing that time passes by so fast. All the memories that I hold the most keeps on rushing in…

I try to grasp some of them hoping that it can save my sanity from falling apart. The memories that I hold are so dear. It’s so hard to let go. Those endless memories of laughters and tears…those chapters of sorrows and blissfulness…Somehow I hunger for more…Somehow I wanted my past to be my present and my future…

As my tears begun to fall all I can think of is letting go…it hurts though but I know somehow this means that I’ll be stronger…and eventually somehow life will be better…not bitter…but better…

Gloomy Day

I often look at what life was and what life is…I’ve never tried looking at what life will be…

Melancholia is just sinking in again…the music stops playing in my head…I’m forgetting the lyrics of that happy song…I think I have even forgotten how the beat and the rhythm goes and I’m so sorry to forget the dance steps of that unknown melody as well…

I really love to write whenever I’m in this mood…the words just flows out from nowhere…

I intend to keep every little detail of the story…but sometimes I’d really love to bursts out…I’d really appreciate if somebody could give me a listening ear…I lost the enthusiastic feeling of discovering so much about the new world where I am in…

I wanted to shout at the top of my voice…I wanted to cry myself to sleep…I wanted to disappear at a blink of an eye…I wanted to be speechless…I wanted to be deaf for a while…

…maybe it’s just one of those gloomy days, where the sun is covered by a very thick cloud…where the birds refuse to sing…where the sky begins to weep…and all that you can hear is the silence of the angry thought of being trap in a box filled with good old memories…and sadly you realize that you can’t do anything but to hang in there!

Something About LOVE

Monday July 23rd 2007, 12:43 pm

I’m listening to a lot of heartbreaking songs…and I remember how it feels like to hold on to something really special and then suddenly it’s so painful to realize that you’ve lost your grasp and right there and there you know that it was actually time to let go…

I’ve seen a lot of hearts broken…At first there were a lot of promises made…then dreams were shared…and after the promises and dreams, goals were realized…but it’s just so sad to know that after all those years of gazing into each other’s eyes…after those endless days of whispering those sweet nothings…after those endless hours of simply talking and holding each others hands everything will just be a memory…

It breaks my heart just simply remembering those good old times…It made me feel sorry for myself because I really don’t have any answer for my what if’s questions…but I’m thankful though for I have a lot of good memories…It’s worth looking into my old scrapbook and it’s really comforting to read a lot of colorful pages from my old diaries…
Sometimes fate has all the answer…it may have all the answer but I guess we do have all the will power to choose our destiny…

Just Me and the New Day...

Friday July 13th 2007, 7:25 am

Isang bagong umaga ang siyang tumambad sa aking harapan…Himig ng mga ibon ang siyang bumungad sa aking pandinig…Kay sarap ng pakiramdam na pagmulat ng aking mga mumunting mata bagong umaga ang aking nasilayan…

Paglabas ko ng aming tahanan malalanghap ko ang sariwang hangin…Maaninag ko ang ganda ng tanawin…Isang bagong umaga at bagong buhay na naman ang aking haharapin…
Salamat sa nakaraang bagyo…marahil kundi dahil dito di ko maaaninag ang kagandahan ng bagong araw…marahil kundi dahil sa nakaraang unos hindi ko makikita ang kagandahan ng bagong hinaharap…marahil kung hindi sa masalimuot na paligid hindi ko matututunang bigyang pansin ang kagandahan ng maaliwalas na paligid…

Ngayon tapos na ang ulan…wala ng baha…tumila na ang malakas na ihip ng hangin…Ako’y nagpapasalamat sa pagkat ako’y hindi natangay sa alon na dulot ng sama ng panahon…ngayon masasambit ko ng buong lakas na NAPAKAGANDA NG BAGONG UMAGA!