I hate to see her this way...She sighs whenever she passes by her 3 year old town house...I wanted to say that everything's going to be alright but I know that I would just be lying...I'd love to hug her really tight and say that it is over and that she'll be able to go up and down that 12 steps leading to her bedroom and down to her kitchen but I just can't...
She laughs really hard now-a-days...but I know that deep down within she isn't alright.
It's a different world out here...Others are losing their homes...others are fighting hard to win their castles over...Some are forced to leave their homes leaving everything behind to the lenders who refuse to negotiate...Some are submitting themselves into this so-called "bankruptcy".
It's a battle against the lenders and the home owners.
There are a lot of programs that are made yet tons of people everyday are losing their homes.
...She knows either way that it is a losing end yet she still struggles. She's making herself believe that somehow she will be victorious...She refuse to face the strange truth that between these lenders and homeowners somehow--nobody is about to win...
It's just a sad...sad...sad...circus to be in...
The lonely cold shivering breeze is here again to envelop my entire body with depression….
The lonesome night is creeping in my bed…The sun isn’t there to save me from the loneliness…I feel like my world is so limited that my life isn’t as colorfull as it used to be…I’m trying to hum a song…But it’s just so sad that even my gleeful humming isn’t a brilliant idea to save me from what I am about to experience…
I’m showing off my blissful persona to everybody…I’m trying to paint a pretty picture that people around me can appreciate…I’m trying to create a scenario where sadness is not very well defined…I’m trying to play a special song where we can all laugh and dance cheerfully…
But despite all the pretentions that life isn’t a sad story…I know somebody sees the real me…I’m just glad that after this emotional outburst I just know that I’ll be fine….
Maybe after these lonesome nights the sun will shine its glorious beauty again….All of these meaningless sadness will disperse into thin air…and for sure all that will be left is a happy glow…and after that I’ll be able give everybody a smile that will show-off how marvelous life really is….
It’s just a bad day! sigh!
Sunday August 26th 2007, 8:34 pm When I look through those chinky smiling little eyes of hers I knew there was something missing in my life…When I hold her soft little hands I knew there was a part of me that needs to be filled in…When I watch her go to sleep and I try to give her soft strokes on the forehead I felt that I really miss being by her side… Every little talk made me realize how happy I am to spend some quality time with my sister…Sharing those lazy afternoons just doing those small household chores together made me realize how lucky I am to have a wonderful sister by my side…Those funny jokes that we use to share makes everything complete…it made us laugh…and it made us smile…it made us realize how nice it is to be with each other again…A week swiftly passed by…well we have our new separate lives now…But it’s so nice that eventhough we don’t see each other that much we know that we are still the best of friends…we share a lot of those secrets…we talk about our very own colorful lives…we talk about anything under the sun…no barriers…no walls…She’s the person who knows me best and yet loves me for who I am…Sometimes I wish I can bring back time…When I can still be her manang…and she can still be my little baby sister…where I can always be by her side…to protect her…to love her…to care for her and to guide her…Our house is empty again…No laughter…no stories…it’s just the audible sound of the ticking clock again…sigh! I miss you…But don’t worry little sis…I made a promise and I intend to keep every word that I said…I love you…and always remember that…
Monday July 23rd 2007, 1:23 pm Sitting by my window, I’m looking at the horizon beneath the clouds…I’m mesmerized by the beautiful scenery outside…I hear the birds humming their sweet songs. I see the trees swaying their branches as if invigorating me to join them as they gladly dance with the wind. I can see the flowers showing off their beauty and glory…Why can’t this day last forever? Why would fall turn everything into yellow? Why would it take all the green leaves away? Why would it let all the flowers wither? Why would winter turn everything brown? Why would it envelop the rest of the world with cold weary nights and why would it turn everything to sadness? Life is like the ever changing season…There’s always a time for everything…There’s a time for sweet victory…There is a time for sad and emotional endings…There’s a time for laughter…and of course there will always be a time for crying your heart out…There’s a time for longing…There’s a time for eventually saying goodbye to the old memories…And there’s a special time to say that you’re moving on…Well I guess my friendster account has been my life for a long time…I’m not saying goodbye to everybody though…but I guess I won’t be visiting this page that much for a few weeks maybe…Nah! This isn’t goodbye…It’s just prioritizing somethings that would eventually help me to really move on…But for sure whenever I’ll feel so enourmously affected by my environment I’d still be pouring my heart out in this page…After all these months I’m glad to start something new in my life…Life is such a beauty! Sometimes you need to learn your lesson the hard way…I’m thankful to God for making me realize that there’s more to this life time…Life is such an adventure!!! I’m glad that I had a chance to have a wonderful journey…
Monday July 23rd 2007, 1:19 pm It’s almost three in the morning and still I can’t keep my eyes shut…I strongly hear the clock ticking…the deafening silence of the dawn is tearing me apart…As I sit sadly in front of this computer all I can think of is to pave the way for such emotions to flow freely…I’m doing a lot of reflecting lately that I could hardly laugh at the funny jokes that people around me share…There’s something from within that I can hardly bare…Maybe I just need a sip of margarita…or maybe I just need some fresh air…maybe I just need some adventure in my life…maybe I just need to do something different…something new…something right…It’s just sometimes I feel like I am a new person…yup a person that is far different from the person that I used to be…and the saddest part is i really don’t know the real me anymore…and it’s just so sad…
Monday July 23rd 2007, 12:49 pmSometimes when I look at the mirror I can’t help myself from realizing that time passes by so fast. All the memories that I hold the most keeps on rushing in…I try to grasp some of them hoping that it can save my sanity from falling apart. The memories that I hold are so dear. It’s so hard to let go. Those endless memories of laughters and tears…those chapters of sorrows and blissfulness…Somehow I hunger for more…Somehow I wanted my past to be my present and my future…As my tears begun to fall all I can think of is letting go…it hurts though but I know somehow this means that I’ll be stronger…and eventually somehow life will be better…not bitter…but better…
I often look at what life was and what life is…I’ve never tried looking at what life will be…
Melancholia is just sinking in again…the music stops playing in my head…I’m forgetting the lyrics of that happy song…I think I have even forgotten how the beat and the rhythm goes and I’m so sorry to forget the dance steps of that unknown melody as well…
I really love to write whenever I’m in this mood…the words just flows out from nowhere…
I intend to keep every little detail of the story…but sometimes I’d really love to bursts out…I’d really appreciate if somebody could give me a listening ear…I lost the enthusiastic feeling of discovering so much about the new world where I am in…
I wanted to shout at the top of my voice…I wanted to cry myself to sleep…I wanted to disappear at a blink of an eye…I wanted to be speechless…I wanted to be deaf for a while…
…maybe it’s just one of those gloomy days, where the sun is covered by a very thick cloud…where the birds refuse to sing…where the sky begins to weep…and all that you can hear is the silence of the angry thought of being trap in a box filled with good old memories…and sadly you realize that you can’t do anything but to hang in there!
